Cut Through the Cold, Heart and Fear
by Jay-Mack97
Summary: Killian Jones has always been Emma's rock. But suddenly he begins to distance himself from her, which opens Emma's eyes to how much she really needs him. Captain Swan Takes place after 3x17 (includes episodes spoilers)


**Author's Note:** _After The Jolly Roger episode, I had so many feelings over what had happened in the episode. So to try to calm them, I thought listening to the Frozen soundtrack would help. Nope, it gave me more Captain Swan feelings and this idea popped into my head and my muse would not leave me alone, so I wrote it. Please enjoy :)_ **PS**: _I don't own any of the characters or song lyrics._

Everything was off in her life, well only one thing, but to her it felt like her entire world had been shifted upside and Emma Swan never felt like this. Not when she first came to Storybrooke, not when she broke the first curse or when she finally reunited with her long lost family. No this was different, she felt completely lost without her constant rock. He had not been by her side since last week after he declined her invitation to dinner, and she hadn't had a conversation with him since, only seeing him from a distance while searching for Zelena.

It was out of character for him and it has sent her into whirl wind of emotions: confusion, hurt, loneliness, stress and worry for him. Especially since she had openly admitted wanted to move on from her past, and had hinted that he was the one she wanted to take the next step with. She had seen the changes in Hook's attitude and personality and approach on life and she liked the changes she was seeing. She had been attracted to him before but not like this, this was different! She had seen the way he was with Henry and how much he cared for him and for every other member of her family. And how much he cared her! _He had come back for her_ and brought her back to her family, because he cared about her happiness. Her heart swelled at the thought of this, but it scared her. It scared her deeply that someone could care about her that much. All her life, Emma was used to not allowing people to get close to her and not allowing herself to be cared for. But Killian has done that, he had chiselled away at her walls and she has begun to feel something for him.

This is what motivated her to be standing outside his door tonight; she couldn't sleep because she couldn't stop thinking about him and his weird behaviour. She tried to sleep but it would not come, her brain needed answers. She needed to know what changed so quickly with him, perhaps his feelings had changed over the year and that what he was afraid of telling her. Or perhaps he had found someone else. Or did something else happen last week that he wasn't telling her about. No matter what it is, she needed answers. She had thrown on a hoodie over her pjs and headed into the hallways. She guessed that it was a positive thing that he was right across the hall.

And that is where she stood now, scared to knock, scared to know the answers and afraid to get herself broken again. She took a deep breath, and knocked on the door. Not a sound appeared on the other side of the door. She sighed and took another deep breath "Killian, please I know you are in there." She waited for a response, but nothing.

"It's like you've gone away, I haven't seen you at all today and you didn't do the patrol with me again. I know something is wrong and I wish you would tell me why," she whispered sadly to the door, feeling her heart filling with sadness as the silence continues.

"Emma, it's late and I am tired. Can we do this tomorrow?" his tired voice came through the door, breaking the silence. She felt her eyes prickle with tears at his rejection as she backed away from the door. "Okay, bye," she choked, trying not to let him hear her cry. She quickly went back into her room and slammed the door. She threw herself into her bed and tried to muffle the sobs that engulfed her body.

In the morning she tried to hide her big puffy eyes from everyone but when she looked Hook, she had to bite her lip to stop the tears from prickling in her eyes. They made eye contact and he turned away quickly, but she knew he knew and that he saw through her mask. He saw her pain and she hoped it hurt him just as much as it was hurting her.

The rest of her day did not go any better. Killian proceeded to ignore and avoid her for the entire day. He even volunteered to go help Charming with patrols instead of her… again. His rejection sent knives through her heart and she didn't know if she could handle this space between them. The tension and the pain was more than she had experienced in a long time. She mulled over this as she did her rounds alone in the forest by the town line. It was almost peaceful, until she heard footsteps behind her. She spun around to face Zelena, who cackled at the look on Emma's face.

"Surprised to see me Savior? Thought I had disappeared for a bit had you? Well I am afraid I am staying here for the long haul," she smirked as Emma tried to regain her composure. "Well we were afraid a house had fallen on you," she commented back. Anger flashed in the witch's eye.

"You think you are so smart Emma Swan, but you know nothing. Do you honestly believe that a pirate could stay faithful to you in a year apart? Or that your parents will still love you after their new baby is born? And what about your son, do you want think he will stay with you once he gets his memory back and knows that you have been lying to him? Emma Swan you will lose everything and no one will ever actually love you. Don't you know that you are easily replaceable?" She spoke, her voice filled with venom, and each word hit Emma deeper and deeper, especially since she could feel the truth in her words.

"That not true," Emma responded in a shaky breath, "they … they wouldn't do that, we are family."

"Oh Emma, you are so naïve, family is not everything and you are not worth that much. You over estimate your worth to everyone, you are not needed for their happiness," she laughed as Emma's knees began shake and grow weak.

"Oh my little Saviour, seems like you need to take a sit down and think about what I said," Zelena informed her as her hand began to glow green and before Emma could do anything to stop her, she was sent backwards into a tree and her world went black as Zelena evaporated in green smoke.

"Emma! Emma please wake up," a nervous came from above her, her vision was all blurred and there was a throbbing pain in her head. Soon she was able to focus on Ruby who was hovering over her.

"Ruby," she said grudgingly, her head was still spinning from the blow on the head.

"Oh thank goodness Emma, we thought she had gotten too you," she explained as she pulled Emma into a hug.

"I am fine Ruby, just shaken up. Wicked was here and she threatened me, which lead me to being knocked out," Emma told her the situation as Ruby helped Emma to her feet.

"Emma! This is a big deal, don't worry though. Have courage and you will get through this. You have the support of your family as well and you are more powerful than you realize. You have no worries," Ruby commented as they began to walk back to the town. Emma could only nod her head, but could not agree as the witch's words come flooding back.

"Right Ruby, can we keep this between us? I don't want to worry anyone else," she asked politely.

"Of course Emma, just remember there are people here to support you," she said as they entered the town limits.

Emma was engulfed with hugs from her worried parents who met her at the dinner. She brushed them off by tell them that she was just taking time with the stars and had lost track of time. They had already put Henry to bed for her and Killian was now where to be seen. It once again cut deep, seeing that he had not one ounce of concern for her. She slowly put on her sweatpants and hoodie, as her body began to ache from Zelena's attack on her and her words were still sinking in, tearing away at all the hope she had built up.

She felt hopeless and alone and there was only one person she wanted to talk right now and he wanted nothing to do with her. But there was no way she was sleeping tonight, as she looked at her son fast asleep in his bed. She sighed, wondering if he would be mad at her when he found out the truth. She couldn't deal the idea that he would be, and it hurt just thinking about it. She felt her feeling begin suffocate her and she needed to get of her room and away from those thoughts.

She flung the door open and quickly shut it behind her. She was facing his door and there was nothing she could do about it. Even if he wouldn't respond, she needed to tell someone what had happened and she trusted him and he was her team member and they worked well together. She walked slowly to his door and knocked.

"Killian, please I know you are in there and I know you don't want to talk me, but I just needed to talk to someone. And you are the person I usually go to," she whispered to the door as she leaned her back onto it.

"Zelena found me today and told me my fears, sucking the hope complete out of me. I looked for lies her words and all I could find was the truth," she stated softly, letting her feelings take over, as tears threatened again, but she wouldn't let them fall yet.

"She said that I was easily replaceable and no one could actually love me. And she then threatened me," she sniffled, as the tears began to fall, she no longer had control over them.

"Ruby says to have courage and I am trying too, but I am losing faith Killian. What am I going to do?" she cried softly as she slid down the door to the floor and lean her head against the door, the failure was too much to bear.

"Why are you pushing me away Killian? I need you more than ever, why aren't you here? Please," she whimpered slowly, trying to stop the tears, trying to stop the vulnerability. But she couldn't, Emma was still that lost girl trying to find her home in the world. And right now it seemed all hope was lost.

Her sobs turned into hiccups as she began to shiver because the chills the thoughts had brought over her body and she didn't hear the door creak open behind her. "Oh _Emma_," his voiced cracked at the sight of her; his swan was broken in front of him and in pain and it was his entire fault. She hiccupped, "Killian? Is that really you?"

"Yes Love, let get you warmed up," he responded softly, scooping her off the ground and into his arms. He carried her bridal style to his bed where he sat her down and proceeded to put the covers around her, in an effort to stop the shaking. He then sat down beside her, unsure of what to say next. They sat in silence until Emma decided that she had enough.

"Why are you doing this Hook? I thought you hated me," she said with an edge to her voice, stirring pain in his own heart. "Swan, I could never hate you," he said with emotion in his voice as he sat down beside her.

"Then why haven't you talked to me in the past week? You haven't even made eye contact with me; if we do, you turn away. What did I do Killian?" she asked, almost bagging for answer as tears resurfaced in her eyes, "Please tell me."

Killian's eyes grew moist with emotions as struggled to contain himself, "Emma I am trying to protect you and your happiness and I can't tell you," his voice ragged with emotion.

"Killian, you don't have to protect me. I'm not afraid, please don't shut me out again. Just tell me what is going on! I can't go another day without you by my side, I need you," she pleaded, fresh tears spilling over and running down her face, he quickly moved to wipe them away before they fell off her cheek. "_Please,"_ she whispered and he just nodded his head, how could he not tell her. He at least owed her that, after how miserable he had made her.

With a shaky breath he began, "I have been avoiding you Swan, because last week I was cursed by Zelena." Emma gasped as her tears stopped flowing, "How?" she asked.

Hook took another deep breath before speaking again, "She was posing as the mermaid and fed on my guilt from the year that everyone had forgotten. I had done things that I am not proud of and have actions that I would like to take back. As I told you before, I tried going back to my old ways by I couldn't, I changed too much, you changed me too much. So my guilt made me try to do the right and apologize to Ariel, but I was played. She used my guilt against me which enabled her to curse me," he stated slowly, watching her face for a reaction.

She nodded her head understanding, but she still had a confused looked on her face "but I still don't understand how she cursed you."

"Aye, well when I was apologizing to Ariel, she made me swear on the name of my true love and that would be _you_. I didn't know by doing this, it would allow the witch to cast a curse on my kiss, which would steal all your magic if I were to kiss you and if I told you she would kill everyone who mattered to you. So I needed to remove myself from you, as I couldn't let you lose someone else you cared about. It would be too cruel and you have already suffered enough in your lifetime. But then you said to me that night that you wanted to move on from your past and that nearly killed me because I was going to have to stay away from you, instead having the chance to actually be with you. So I kept my distance to try and keep you and your loved ones safe," he said somberly, as new tears had begun falling down on Emma's cheeks.

She choked on a sob as she tried to speak to him, relief rushing through her. He _loves_ her and he still wants to be with her and everything he was doing for her happiness.

"Emma, I am so so sorry…" he began to apologize at the sight of her tears but she stopped.

"Why are you apologizing? Everything you have done has been for me; you have put my happiness and my safety and the safety of those closest to me in front of yourself and your own happiness. And I am crying because I have never had anyone care so much about me and put me first and… and…" she stated as another sob escaped her and he carefully pulled her into his arms, giving her the comfort she seeked.

"I don't just care Emma, I love you. I tried to stop loving you and I can't. You have a hold on my soul and I cannot shake it. I did all of this for you, because I love you," he whispered into her ear and resisted the urge to kiss her, as he saw happiness flash in her eyes and for the first time in what felt like weeks Emma Swan smiled.

"You've won it, you know," she said softly as confusion swept over his face. "My heart Killian, you have it, though there was never any competition, it was always yours. And I won't take it back nor would I want too because you will take care of it and put it first, just like you always have.

And I trust you, I trust you so much and I need you more than you know because you understand me and we are a team! And I may not be able to say the words that you just did, but I will in time because I feel the same. It will just take me more time as I have just been so broken and those words are so precious and vulnerable and I want the time to be right to say them. Because when I do say them to you, they will mean forever and I want that with you. I have said it before and I will say it again, I sick of living in the past and I believe you are my chance at a happy future," she confessed with a smile, as his arm tightened around her as she had spoken.

"Emma, all I want to do right now is kiss you and prove to how much those words mean to me and how much you mean to me… and I can't," he replied sadly, and she moved her arms around his waist pulling him closer, leaving no space between them.

"I know Killian, but we will find a way to break this curse together because we are a team. And once we break it, I will be cashing in for that kiss," she smirked at him and he just smiled.

"As you wish milady."


End file.
